i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
