So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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