I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
