I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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