I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
