3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
