dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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