i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So squirting runs in the family.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
