Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
