his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
