It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
