after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
