Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
