i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
