She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
