She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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