So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wish i was in the wii world.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize