i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
