This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
