I just made out with a guy for $7.
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
