Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
