Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
