i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
