I think scott just propositioned me for sex
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
