sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
