I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what day is it and did you see me today?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
