so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
