is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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