if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
