she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
