I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
