just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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