we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
