Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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