I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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