Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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