i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The best revenge is premature balding
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
