dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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