Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
