You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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