Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
