Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize