I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
