Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Randomize
