I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
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