He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
