toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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