You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
