I hate all girls vehemently.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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