it's too hot outside to masturbate.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I am mentally ready for anal.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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