why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
