we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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