Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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