Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Holy sore nipples Batman
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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