you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
