there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
