did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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