So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
