just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
