"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
