It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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