so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
