Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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