seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
