we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
