Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
