I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
