i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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