He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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