Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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