He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
