and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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