the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
