I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
