this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i think i have two assholes
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
